It's time to choose me instead of "the team"

Are used to find having a career being super rewarding. I felt like it was an accomplishment to be able to help provide for my family in a way that not all moms can. I work hard and earn good money, not great, but good. I can provide good health insurance for my children. But the older my kids get the more I am missing out on the new milestones that you didn’t even think were milestones. This is me a few days ago right after I got off a 12 hour shift. I’m exhausted. I look like shit. I haven’t cooked an actual meal for my family in weeks. I don’t remember the last time I showered and my heart was breaking that day from missing my babies

I love my job. I don’t love the company that I work for. I do not feel like I am appreciated. I have been denied a raise for over six months because I was told that they didn’t feel like they could count on me to be there. When you have a toddler and a baby, or two toddlers that are frequently getting sick and you are struggling with your own mental health issues, you have to decide on your priorities.

Sometimes my priority needs to be staying home with my sick babies instead of going to work. Sometimes my priority needs to be taking care of my own mental health so that I can be the best mother possible. However, lately I am realizing that having a career is no longer what is rewarding to me. What is rewarding to me is the smile on my kids' faces when they learn something new. The pure innocent excitement on their faces when they see me when they wake up in the morning. It is no longer going to work at a company that does not understand just how hard it is to be a mom to two toddlers.

I am completely replaceable at work. Even though I would like to think that I’m not because I know that I am good at my job, I work hard, I am willing to take criticism on my work, I am willing to help others learn how to improve. I no longer find it fulfilling to go to work at a company that does not understand the constant demands I have facing in my personal life. Sometimes I have to put my mental health before the team at work.

Which is why, when I got suspended this morning for three days for being late (a total of 3 times in the last 4 months) I told my supervisor to start looking for my replacement. It's time I start putting myself and my family over money. I am absolutely terrified. I have never quit a job before without having something else in place. I have never gone without health insurance. I don't know how to get my own insurance. I will no longer get the big bonuses to help with things like wedding costs or big improvements around the house. But I will be able to find a consistent schedule for my family, and I will be able to watch them reach all those new milestones.